The first marking period will soon conclude for many students. Others will receive midterm feedback from teachers. As noted in my last blog, this school year is anything but normal. Both students and teachers continue to adjust to an 18 month learning-slide due to the pandemic and virtual learning. Students may have worked harder than ever and may not “reap the benefits” when it comes to their report card.
Before any conversation with a child about grades, try to remember your own feelings when your parent(s) reviewed grades. Were you anxious or excited, proud or disappointed in yourself? Remember, your child is experiencing their own emotions around their grades.
- Focus on the positive first. Even if the highest grades are in gym class or art, maybe you have a future sports star or artist standing in front of you. Don’t discount these “non academic” classes. Ask your children what makes them so successful in the classes where they earned high grades. Then, you may be able to help your child understand how to be successful in other classes. For example, “You said you love art class because the teacher is great and you enjoy doing the projects. Even though math is more difficult and you don’t click with the teacher as easily, find one thing you enjoy about your teacher in math. Maybe you can draw pictures to help with some of your math work and then you can think of it like art class!”
- Let your child lead the conversation by asking him or her: “What grades are you most proud of and why?” Maybe he earned a C in honors geometry and is really proud because it is the hardest subject for him, and he pulled his grade up from a D to a C by working with his teacher and making up missed assignments. Praise him for this and discuss a plan to continue doing well for the next quarter. At first, you may have seen it as the lowest grade on his report when in reality, he is really proud of that C.
- Next ask, “What grade(s) are you disappointed in and why?” Instead of hearing your disappointment, let your child express his or her disappointments. This will give you insight into the expectations your child has set. It can lead to a conversation about realistic goals.
- If your child expresses concern for a subject that is difficult, come up with a plan together. As parents, we often try to set the plan for our children, “You should do this, and then do that…”— Instead, come alongside your child and give them the opportunity to feel in control of their path. Sometimes students will have peers in the class with whom they feel comfortable studying and can set up a peer study group. Or students will make a plan to work with teachers during non-class hours to get extra help. Sometimes students express a desire to work with a tutor, so there is “an expert” who can move at the desired pace, check over homework, and explain content in ways that match learning styles.
As Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson wrote in The Self-Driven Child, remember the phrase “I love you too much to fight with you about homework” and apply that to report cards. Preserve your relationship and have confidence that no matter what grades are on a report card, your child will lead a successful, happy life if they are surrounded by support and love.
Regards,
Lori Solovey
Owner, LS Tutors